My 12 year old daughter isn't taking this news well at all. When we first learned of Nate's diabetes (on Sunday), we were caught up in a whirlwind of movement. After hours of being in the hospital, my mother-in-law brought Amber to see Nate in the ER, and then later that night to the PICU downtown. Each time, Amber asked if she could stay with us to which we answered, No. There simply wasn't room for three of us to stay the night in a room with one twin bed. On top of that, we really wanted to shield her from the PICU. It was such a depressing and scary place. She may be brilliant and extremely gifted, but she's still only 12. Being around all of that depression is hardly good for an adult, let alone a 12 year old. She was not happy when we sent her home with her grandparents, but we truly wanted to do the right thing.
Monday night, we had the same experience. After going to school all day, she called us and told us how worried she was about Nate. I tried to calm her down, and Mike wanted her to stay home so she wouldn't be overwhelmed by all of it, but ultimately, she came to the PICU again. This time, she pointed out three chairs in the room. "See, I can stay." She didn't think about sleeping, she just wanted to stay with us and her brother. Again, we didn't let her because it was the right thing to do. Going to school and maintaining some semblance of normal was what she needed.
Tuesday afternoon, we came home and were here when she got home from school. She was elated to see her brother and us, but then immediately shut us out. She left the house to play with her friends, and when she got home, she hid in her room. "I don't want to talk about it," was all she would say. I've always known that my daughter compartmentalizes things and doesn't like dealing with her emotions. We even saw someone for this for a bit. Now was no different. If anything, it's worse.
Last night, it all came to a head. We went to dinner at Chili's with the in-laws. When we got home, she refused to talk to us. After prodding a bit, she announced, "I don't care that Nathan has diabetes. I'm tired of talking about it all the time. I don't want to deal with this." There was more said, but I don't think it's important to share every intimate detail of that conversation. At the end of it, she finally revealed that she felt left out while he was in the hospital. She wanted to be with us while we "learned" about his diabetes. Instead, we left her out and didn't include her in a family process.
I hadn't thought of it in that way. I know this disease is changing life for the family. We are all affected by this. I thought I was protecting her, but instead, we hurt her by not including her. I still think we made the right decision by not allowing her to stay at the hospital with us for three days. I won't apologize for it, but I have to admit to feeling bad about it. I love my children - equally. I truly do. Right now, my son is requiring more attention than anyone else in my world, but she needs attention too. At 12 years old, her world is very egocentric. I need to remember that.
To try to help her, I called her school today and spoke with her Assistant Principal. He's notifying her teachers about this new development. He's also having a counselor call her in to check on her. My biggest fear is that she will lose sight of her education and start acting out because of this huge change. I told her about it when I got home from work. She told me that if her counselor calls her in, she's "disowning" me. I told her the truth - it's going to happen. She hasn't disowned me yet. i
Five days in and adjustments are being made. I get that she's angry. She doesn't want this to be happening. Neither do I. she doesn't think it's fair that Nate is going through this. Neither do I. She doesn't like these new routines. Neither do I. If I could change any of this, I would, but I can't. I, too, need to find peace with this.
The entire family is being affected by Type 1 Diabetes in different ways. There's no way to know how we're going to be tomorrow, but today I'm going to bed knowing I've only cried a little bit, and we haven't fought at all. It's a start. It's going to be a long road, but we are going to make it through...together.
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